Who knew pheromones could travel over the internet?
I’ve long been plagued by being irresistible to the opposite sex. It’s a curse I’ve had since birth. But I’ve learned to deal with it. But those pheromones really outdid themselves yesterday.
Here’s the first spam, via my email spam folder:
“Hey gorgeous! (:
I really wanna be friends with u!
Can’t wait to talk to u!”
Here was my response:
“Dear Lilliam, if that’s your real name, firstly, although I am gorgeous, that was just a lucky guess on your part. Secondly, you should be aware that I’m a happily married man who already has plenty of friends. I appreciate your interest in talking with me although I think the “wink” afterward indicates that the “intercourse” you are interested in is not of the verbal variety. Although I take it as a compliment, due to my high moral standards, I have always successfully resisted the temptation to stray. Did I also mention that my wife is past a silver medalist in target shooting at the Olympics?
On the other hand, if this was the result of some mass spam mailing, of which I am only one of millions contacted, I would ask that you not tell any of my legion of blog readers who believe everything I tell them.”
Your pal, Al
P.S. “I just now noticed the picture that you attached. On second thought, what’s the harm in a little friendly conversation?”
And this one, from “Find kinds of wedding dress”, which came through my WordPress spam:
“I have read some of the articles on your own website today, and I enjoy your style of blogging. I included it in order to my favorites web log list and you will be checking rear soon. Please take a look at my site also and allow me to know what we think.”
“Dear Find kinds of wedding dress, thank you for visiting my blog. I’m glad you have it in your favorites but you are wrong about one thing. Although as a red-blooded American male, I have certainly done my share of checking rears, I am trying to cut back, so please don’t make that endeavor any tougher than it is already. I did go to your site but have decided that if the time comes that I ever marry again, “we” think “we” will stay with the traditional tuxedo. However, you might want to contact Dennis Rodman, the gentleman pictured below, who definitely could be a potential client.”
And they just keep coming, folks.