Bilingual teenagers….

This past weekend my 14-year old granddaughter came to visit with a friend. While these delightful girls were here, they taught me something very significant. There are actually two languages for girls this age.

There is “teenspeak” and there is “adultspeak.” The difference is quite astounding. The first one has an unlimited vocabulary of words and a vernacular unintelligible to most people over twenty. The second is an economy of words that would make a mime proud.

Both languages have a specific purpose. “TS”, as it shall hereafter be known, is used when conversing with friends by way of tweeting, skypeing, emailing and texting. “AS” is used when speaking with adults and consists of six basic words. They are, in no particular order of importance: yes, no, maybe, sorta, kinda, and OK.

“TS” is quite noticeably made up of many acronyms and abbreviations, no doubt spurred on by the 144 character limitation for tweets, as well as the bedeviling need to communicate at a breakneck pace. This is probably a good thing because even the youngest of thumbs can go only so long before cramping up. As far as I can tell, “TS” is also handy because there is some unwritten teen law that one cannot go more than 90 seconds without getting in touch with every friend you have. Selfies fly back and forth over the Internet at an incredible rate. Apparently, what you are doing at this very moment is crucial, not that “old news” picture you sent over two minutes ago!

My sources tell me that this electronic messaging goes on into the late hours of the evening until some universal force overtakes them and they fall asleep. That explains why, immediately upon awakening, nay, even before that urgent morning call to nature, the air waves are abuzz with news and pictures about what might have happened in their world since they were all out of touch for those agonizing 7-8 hours, albeit none of them were knowing or perceiving in the least during that time.

Of course, at some point during the day, the inevitable contact with the accursed adult population occurs and “AS” must be endured. The conversations are crisp and to the point to be sure. Let me give you an example:

Me: “Good morning, girls, did you sleep well?”

Them: “Yes.”

Me: “Are you going over to the beach today?

Them: “Maybe.”

Me: “You do realize it’s going to be extremely hot and sunny, right? 

Them: “Kinda.”

Me: “Would you rather stay inside with us?

Them: “No.”

Me: “Are your beach towels from yesterday dried out yet?”

Them: “Sorta.”

Me: “Alright then, have a great time and let me know if you need anything.”

Them: “OK.”

Did you notice how they used their entire “AS” vocabulary? Never let it be said that they are not chatty in their own right. As an aside, I might mention that they texted or tweeted several long messages to their friends back home during this entire interaction. The moral to this is, if you want any in-depth information, don’t use questions that can be answered in one word!

To my surprise, as they walked out the door they turned and said, “See you later.” I sensed they were preparing to transition back to “TS” and it just slipped out. In a state of shock, all I could say was “OK.” It was then that I realized how much easier “AS” actually is.

They’ve started back home now, so the house is feeling kinda empty and I sorta miss them. I think I’ll skype my granddaughter and see what I’ve missed in the five minutes since they left.

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