I hope I look as good as this guy when I’m 638!

The first person to live to 150 years old has already been born! Within two decades a person will be born who will live to be 1000 years old. In a throwback to old testament characters, a scientist named Dr. Aubrey De Grey made these statements. He is chief scientific officer of the non-profit California-based SENS (Strategies for Engineered Negligible Senescence) Foundation, which he co-founded in 2009: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2011425/The-person-reach-150-alive–soon-live-THOUSAND-claims-scientist.html#ixzz1RGUpj2jP

Dr. Aubrey De Grey. He may look 200 years old but he is only in his 40’s.

The scope and validity of this is for you to decide. Suffice it to say that according to the above article, in 2005 Massachusetts Institute of Technology offered a $20,000 prize to any molecular biologist who can show that De Grey’s SENS theory is “so wrong that it is unworthy of learned debate.” It has never been won.

Frankly, I’m more concerned with what this will mean to future visits to the doctor’s office. I’m envisioning a routine office visit would go something like this:

Patient: “Good morning, doctor”

Dr: “Good morning, John. By the way, happy 840th birthday today!”

John: “Thanks Doc. I don’t feel a day over 700.”

Dr: “Well, lets see. Last visit we lubricated your artificial joints using the premium “100 year guarantee” synthetic oil and topped off your plasma. You’re not due for new platelets for another 50 years. How’s the jogging going?”

John: “Great Doc. I was 2nd in my “over 750″ age group in the Iron Man Marathon last Sunday. I got beat out by that 999 year-old guy again. I won’t have to worry about him next year though, his birthday’s next month. He’ll be in another age group.”

Dr: “Terrific. Oops, I see here we’ve scheduled you for complete molecular cell replacement next Thursday. That’s usually an outpatient procedure, but the stem cells are on back order so we’ll just take yours out and repair them and zip em back in. That’s an overnight.”

John: “Sounds good Doc. Oh, are my cholesterol results in yet?”

Dr: “Yes, here they are. Looks like the LDL jumped up a bit to 15. The good news is the HDL is 400.  Better go easy on those french fry capsules though, just in case. Now let’s check that BP. Ah, good, 65/35. Don’t want that ticker working too hard, do we?”

John: “For sure, Doc. Oh, did I tell you my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandson made little league all-stars this year? Just between you and me, he’s my favorite out of all 43,717 of them.”

Dr: “That’s nice, John. Well, that’s about it. I’ll see you again exactly 6 months from today.”

John: “Sorry Doc, need to reschedule. That’s my 800th anniversary. Taking the little woman on a Mars trip to celebrate. See you in three years.”

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About Al

Retired from a couple of professions, trying my hand at writing about the events in our lives.
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10 Responses to I hope I look as good as this guy when I’m 638!

  1. Barbara says:

    I don’t know if you have noticed, but wedding anniversaries only go up to 60. After that there are no cards, no special gemstones to collect. Zip, Nada. The only option is to make one on moonpig, but I bet they won’t allow a number over 60 either! My parents are at 45… This is beginning to worry me.

  2. pegoleg says:

    I believe Dr. De Grey’s theory may have been misunderstood. He meant the first 150-year-old BEARD has already been born. His will keep growing long after he and his theories have been buried.

    • Big Al says:

      Now it all makes sense. He’ll be like a one man time capsule. It’s good that I have such erudite readers to clear these things up.

  3. You had me up to the 800th wedding anniversary. If that isn’t the best argument for popping too many french fry capsules and ditching the SPF 2000 sun screen, I don’t know what is! But I suppose I’m a bit biased, my husband ditched me after a short 27 years. If we start living centuries-long lives, maybe marriage licenses should be renewable (like automobile licences)…

    Another crease around my eyes–thanks Al!

    • Big Al says:

      At the very least vows should be renewed every 100 years. I’m surprised John above didn’t run off with some young 400 year-old chickie.

      Sorry about the creases but glad you’re hooked on the blog!

  4. Pingback: Who wants to live forever? Scientist sees ageing cured | Reuters « Mind Your Language

  5. Tilly Bud says:

    lol! And wow! to the idea of living to 150, never mind a 1000.

    • Big Al says:

      Hey Tilly Bud. I can’t imagine all the problems it would pose, not the least of which is overpopulation (which is already a problem.) Seriously, we’d sure better be inhabiting another planet by then.

Your turn to write, but please don't be wittier than me. My ego is quite fragile.

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