Big Al presents…..tomorrow’s news today…….Supreme Court edition.

Dateline: Washington, DC……….June 28, 2012……The Supreme Court ruled on Obamacare today. In the highly anticipated ruling that had Washington abuzz, the Justices struck down the controversial law. In reading the majority opinion, Chief Justice Roberts, obviously referring to the now famous statement by then Speaker Nancy Pelosi, stated: “Well, we’ve read it and we still can’t tell what’s in it. In short, it stinks!” When questioned by reporters about her dissenting opinion on the contentious issue, Justice Elena Kagan, who was on her way to another Obama fund-raiser at the time, said “On the contrary, I thought the law passed all the smell tests. I think the odor Chief Justice Roberts is picking up to is Justice Scalia. I know for a fact he hasn’t changed his underwear since he lost that bet on Roe v. Wade!”

Dateline: Hollywood…..July 2012……As expected, following the Supreme Court’s recent decision allowing curse words on network television, Bill Maher has moved his panel show “Real Time” from HBO to NBC now that his contract with HBO has expired. Because of what conservatives now call a “calamitous” ruling, the way has been opened up for the well-followed but foul-mouthed misogynist to display his comedic talents to a far wider audience. On his first show with NBC when asked to comment on the statement made by Sarah Palin that this move was foreboding, Maher, ever the clever wit, stated: Well, that f***ing c**t has a right to her a**hole opinion, doesn’t she?”

Dateline: Montserrat, Lower Antilles……December 2012…...Mitt Romney is resting up here after his grueling presidential campaign and is still reeling after his landslide victory at the polls was overturned by the Supreme Court. Dismayed by the technicality that caused the court’s decision, to wit: “Obama just seems like a nicer guy”, Romney is soldiering on and just announced that he will be downsizing the island of Montserrat so the entire Romney clan can have the idyllic vacation spot all to themselves. When advised that it was actually owned by Britain, Romney was heard to exclaim “so?” In related news, Britain declared it is diverting its naval forces from the disputed Falklands Islands territory to Montserrat, effective immediately. No reason was forthcoming.

Dateline: Arizona…..June 2025…..In a move that surprised no one, Mexico today annexed Arizona. It was exactly 13 years ago when the Supreme Court struck down Arizona’s immigration enforcement law. Since undocumented Hispanics now comprise 87% of the population of Arizona, the move is seen as economically more feasible for both countries. In his first statement as the recently appointed Governor of Mexico’s newest state, Pedro Gonzalez (not to be confused with Napoleon Dynamite’s friend Pedro Gonzalez) said he was pleased with the new arrangement, but was a little concerned about what to do with the 13% undocumented Americans now living there. “We’re hoping they’ll take the higher-paying jobs that Mexicans don’t want” Gonzalez was quoted as saying. For his part, President-for-life Barack Obama, opined ” While we will miss the good folks of Arizona, it will be easier for me to govern just 56 states now.”

Dateline: Washington, DC……April 12, 2061….President-for-life Malia Obama, daughter of the late former President-for-life Barack Obama, declared today that by Executive Order the Supreme Court Justices will now be determined by blood lineage, just as the Presidency has been since it was changed by Barack Obama’s Executive Order in late November 2012. In short, this means that the offspring of the current Justices will automatically ascend to the bench on the death of the parent. When asked if it was just coincidence that all the Justices were now Obama family appointees, President-for-life Malia Obama said “Oh, you noticed that too?”

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10 thoughts on “Big Al presents…..tomorrow’s news today…….Supreme Court edition.

  1. Lovely, lovely, lovely. In a totally funny and at the same time terrifying way. Perhaps Montserrat will secede from the British Commonwealth and form a new country – should I book my flight now?

    1. Never thought of that, Peg. Do you think the Montserratians (or Montserratites…or whatever) would then be granted amnesty so they could vote in the election?

    1. No problem, Cindy. It happens a lot. Yes, truth is stranger than fiction and it’s never more clear than in politics. Thanks for being such a loyal reader!

  2. Anonymous

    Great work. Your brain never ceases to amaze me. I wish you were off base on this, but you’re not! Keep writing. I enjoy it all.

Your turn to write, but please don't be wittier than me. My ego is quite fragile.

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