Why I want to come back as a duck…….

My first day back…

“What a lucky ducky!” You’ve heard that expression before, right? It’s a colloquialism to explain how a person has attained good fortune. Ever wonder where it came from? I didn’t think so. Ever the inquisitive type (see my page “thoughts that keep me awake at night“), I tried an internet search and the closest I could come to the origin was “the lucky is the emphasis, with ducky thrown in for rhyming purposes.”

But fear not, you lucky ducks, Big Al is about to elucidate you. And before any of you skeptics say this is a frivolous blog just for the sake of blogging, let me dissuade you of that notion. This erudite edition of my blog comes from hours of note-taking and observation of the ducks that like to inhabit our backyard. And while geese fall in this bailiwick equally as much as ducks, I don’t recall ever hearing anyone say “you lucky goose.” That would sound about as odd as saying “what’s good for the hen is good for the drake.” You see, it just doesn’t flow. Let’s face it, ducks pretty much represent the more enjoyable aspects of life. If you don’t agree, then why is there a rubber ducky in your bathtub right now?

Anyway, what is there specifically about ducks that make me yearn for this reincarnation? Simple, it’s the most versatile animal I know. There’s nothing they can’t do, except maybe blog, a definite plus for them already. Let’s look at some scenarios. For purposes of these scenarios I want you to close your eyes and imagine that you are a duck. Take your time. OK, are you ready? Let’s get quacking….er…I mean, cracking. Let’s say you’re hungry for some bird food that you saw fall off the bird feeder in my yard (remember, you are a duck now). What do you do? Simple, just waddle on up the lake shoreline and over the lawn for a repast (if you’re already waddling as a human, this will be easy to imagine). Hint: be sure to have a sentry stationed to look out for that yellow Labrador Retriever that likes to watch your feathers fly when it charges you.

Wow, you’re really good at this imagining thing!

Had a good meal? Want a little swim to work off the calories? No problem, just walk on back to the lake and step in. You are now one of the most effortless swimmers in the animal kingdom. Your two propeller design allows you to swim with ease, turn on a dime or just float around and idle the hours away. Eat your heart out Michael Phelps.

“Now remember kids, no swimming for at least an hour!”

And later, if you want a little snack of whatever that sludge is on the bottom of the shallows, just start snorkeling. Stick that posterior up in the air, your head down in the water, paddle your webbed feet a few times and dine away. By the way, why do you eat that crap, anyway?

No butts about it, we can do it all.

By now you must be tired of hanging around my backyard. That house a couple of lakes over where you feasted and nested last year looks pretty good to you now. But there’s no way you can walk or swim there without crossing several highways (even though traffic will probably come to a complete standstill for you, because everyone loves to gawk at a cute little duck like you crossing the road). It’s just too far. What will you do? Oh yeah, FLY! It’s the 3rd mode of transportation that’s available to you that you do even better than the other two. And besides, even though you won’t admit it, you love how it tickles your tush when you come in for a landing on the water.

Ooooooooooooo……..

So you see, it’s kinda cool being a duck isn’t it? And I haven’t even mentioned some of the other perks, such as:

1. Being so adorable that humans can’t resist coming with their kids to give you free food.

“This is like taking candy from a baby….wait, it IS taking candy from a baby!”

2. Sleeping on a built-in down pillow every night.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

3. Never having to stop to look for a bathroom during a trip.

A picture is worth a thousand words.

4.  A simple, all-weather, wash and dry wardrobe.

“Oh, did you think I meant the feathers?”

– Not having to deal with the TSA before a flight.

Our motto: “There’s no way you can duck us!”

So there you have it. All the reasons you need to come back as a duck in your next life. They swim better than us, walk as fast as us , and they can fly. I think you’d agree that you would have gladly paid for a blog this informative. Not to worry, duckie, I’ll “bill” you.

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About Al

Retired from a couple of professions, trying my hand at writing about the events in our lives.
This entry was posted in Misc and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

36 Responses to Why I want to come back as a duck…….

  1. Klaus Disney says:

    Die Lemminge
    Tick, Trick, Track, Nicky AA machen

  2. Krickente zum Kackern
    Nächster Bahnhof: Pankow, Übergang zu Schrottbahn, Strassenbahn

  3. Kackerente says:

    Hinten kackert die Pfeifente

  4. Lor love a duck, you are quackers about them! You’d at least cope with our weather better. 🙂

  5. LOL! Visiting your blog is always so educational. 🙂

    • Al says:

      Thanks, Madeleine. My blog has been called a lot of things such as, demented, schizophrenic, an affront to literates the world over, and totally indecipherable. But never educational.

      You are my new favorite person in the entire universe.

  6. Whadddya mean, come back as a duck?? No, I won’t go there, but i can see you have gone to the ducks. Better than dogs I suppose, as duck doo-doo does not have e coli in it. (Ducks poop comes with the territory. You invade “their space” and this is the result. Dianne

  7. Coming East says:

    Very cute, Al. Aren’t you the lucky duck for having so much going on in your yard. Good blogging fodder.

  8. Barb says:

    Al…how did you get a sweater on a duck. Actually, I guess I should be asking…where did you get a sweater for a duck…and why? There’s some serious knitters in your clan.

    • Al says:

      I have to confess, Barb, I borrowed that picture from Google images. I’m too lazy to type credits for images. That’s why I never get Freshly Pressed (or so I’d like to think). There’s no knitters among us, just a few nutters.

  9. Bernice says:

    Funniest blog ever. Had a smile on my face the whole time, and even chuckled out loud. Way to go, Big Al.

  10. So, if you come back as a duck, Al, would that mean you’d still be such a wise quacker?

  11. lexy3587 says:

    Hilarious – you’ve sold me on going duck in my next life. Though I’m kind of leery of that golden retriever you mentioned will be involved 😛

  12. Pseu says:

    Blimey, love a duck

    BTW have you met Tinman? I think you two should get to know one another, if you haven’t
    http://tinman18.wordpress.com/

  13. Jodi Stone says:

    LOL I had a problem closing my eyes and reading at the same time. 🙂

    Lucky Ducky and Loosy Goosy and don’t confuse the two. 🙂

    You quack me up.

  14. misswhiplash says:

    Now I have read it all! You really are a wacky-quacky-lucky-ducky person….the little men in white coats will be with you shortly….just tell them to’ quack-off’.

    seriously that was very good and very funny and I loved the ducky jacky

  15. pegoleg says:

    All good reasons, but balance them against one drawback…Peking Duck.

Your turn to write, but please don't be wittier than me. My ego is quite fragile.

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