CUR-MUDG-EON n. Definition: 1. “A crusty, irascible, cantankerous old person full of resentment.” 2. “An ill-tempered old man.”
That’s right, I’m converting to a curmudgeon! After years and years of being forgiving to nasty and discourteous people and making excuses for their bad behavior, I’ve finally turned the corner. This year I celebrated my 70th birthday. Unbeknownst to most, that is the age at which one may officially become a curmudgeon. Aging has to have some benefits, doesn’t it?
We are a select group, unencumbered by accepted mores of tolerance and understanding. Our motto, “we calls ’em as we sees ’em”, reverberates in our hearts, our minds and most importantly, in our voices! No more trumped up exculpations such as “boys will be boys” or “they might be having a bad day” or “I’m sure he/she didn’t realize how that hurt my feelings.” No, from now on, if you’re acting like an a-hole, you are an a-hole. Life is too short for me to run interference for your sorry butt.
So beware. If you cut me off in traffic; if you bump into me and don’t say you’re sorry; if you ignore me when I speak to you; if you are unpleasant when you serve me; if you tell me you will do something and you don’t; if you say anything untoward to me or are just generally acting in a contemptible manner to others, you will feel the wrath of my curmudgeonliness.
Forewarned is forearmed.
FEAR THE CURMUDGEON!
(Disclaimer: If anyone should threaten me with bodily harm as a result of my new-found curmudgeonhood, they will immediately be given the benefit of the doubt and I will revert back to your sweet, lovable, understanding old pal, Al)