WordPress Resolutions……2014!

1. I vow that I will post everyday in 2014, unless that day falls on the same day that I have no idea what to write about.

2. I vow that my 2014 blogs will appeal to every kind of reader, with the possible exception of non-sports fans, humorless people, non-pet lovers and those hung up on good grammar and literacy.)

3. I vow that my posts will be politically correct and sensitive to every type of reader, unless you are one of those snotty, stupid, easily offended, activist, goddamn do-gooders.

4. I vow to approve and respond to every comment made on one of my posts, however, in the unlikely event that you have disagreed with me, your blog, e-mail, home and mobile numbers will be forwarded to the National Security Agency with the annotation, “potential terrorist.”

5. I vow to hit the like button of every post of every blogger I follow. I will do this even if I hated it, found it incredibly boring or skipped it altogether. Please accept my apologies in advance if you post that you just found out you only have 3 days to live.

6. I vow that I will treat all of my followers with reverence and respect. That includes the scum-sucking pigs that only follow my blog as a way of attracting my true and loyal readers to their own advertising site.

7. I vow that I will no longer be obsessive about my blog stats. I will no longer worry about how many visits I get.

8. I vow to start a “tip of the day” section. Today’s tip: “Don’t forget the “share” buttons and the re-blog button on my blog. Make sure all your friends, family and followers know about me and visit my blog. Please, I beg you.”

9. I vow to end my all the cheap shots and bitterness toward the Freshly Pressed people at WordPress. They are just ordinary people like me who are only doing their job. Just because they are totally incompetent morons who are unable to realize the genius that is “thecvillean”, doesn’t mean they are bad. Their fathers were probably felons and their mothers all prostitutes, which is absolutely no fault of their own. Henceforth, I will take the high road and not demean their sorry butts.

10. I vow that, as has been my policy in the past, I will always refrain from posting those annoying top ten lists.

“Happy New Year to all my readers and may all your resolutions be breakable!”

Your pal, Al

Advertisements

About Al

Retired from a couple of professions, trying my hand at writing about the events in our lives.
This entry was posted in Humorous and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to WordPress Resolutions……2014!

  1. Pingback: Truth in blogging…. | The Cvillean

  2. pattisj says:

    Happy New Year! I’m glad to see someone made some resolutions, though by now they are long forgotten.

  3. Barbara says:

    I got 912 visitors on December 26th, trippling my previous best day! Stats it is for 2014 🙂

    • Al says:

      Congrats. That’s way better than my best day. Do you think I should stop insulting my readers?

      • Barbara says:

        Lol, not at all!

        My readership jumped because the Thames and the river Wey started flooding and people were looking for information about it. I have done a few posts last year about the flooding so when people googled ‘River Thames Flooding or River Wey Flooding or Flooding in Weybridge they got directed to me

        All back to normal today… 12 visitors so far!

        • Al says:

          That’s amazing. I follow a gal in Canada who wrote about a village that got flooded out and everyone had to find a new home. Before she knew it she was Freshly Pressed. Maybe I need to write about a disaster of some sort, although I thought I was already doing that by writing about my life.

          • Barbara says:

            I dont think you’re making people really believe what a disaster it is that you are experiencing…. its just not coming through….. Not with such great pets, brilliant grandchildren, a wonderful Patty & that comfortable armchair of yours!

            I didn’t get freshly pressed, but i did read bout that village, i think the land was being given back to the locals and the river was being allowed to flood permanently. It was such a sad story.

            Flooding round here is not that bad…yet…. but there are 13 severe flood warnings this evening as the tides are high & the storms are coming back..

            • Al says:

              I never realized what difficult winters England had until I started following blogs from over there. I was there during the summer so just remember nice weather, although on another occasion we were on station in the North Sea during the winter and I really remember the cold bridge watches I stood. Waves were occasionally 25 to 30 feet.

              Good luck with the coming storms. Hope the worst is over for you.

              • Barbara says:

                Thanks 🙂 We are at the same latitude as New York, but our weather is affected by the gulf stream, and we are an island so our winters aren’t cold & our summers aren’t too hot (or hot at all sometimes 😦 )

                We do have a lot of rain though, and being surrounded by sea can make things hairy at times. Our house is above the floodline (even the extreme ones) so we should be ok, but houses near us were flooded in 2002, and some others ahve been flooded this year

  4. Pingback: My blog in 2013, Happy 2014 for everyone! | Dear Kitty. Some blog

  5. pegoleg says:

    Dittoing all of your resolutions…unless readers wouldn’t like me if I did that.

    Happy New Year, Al!

  6. Grannymar says:

    I have decided to make only one resolution this year: To keep breathing. Time to practice….. In,,Out.. In ….out…. Kiddump!

  7. Margie says:

    Happy New Year, Al. May you tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of your time.

    I like your resolution #6. I’ve been thinking about writing a post about the deceptive concept of followers. Most of my followers don’t read what I write. If they did, my blog stats would be a lot higher. ‘Followers’ stats are just as useless as knowing that 0.3 per cent of all road accidents in Canada involve a moose.

    • Al says:

      Right you are, Margie. “Followers” is defined very loosely.

      Thanks for the tip on Canada road accidents. I’l be sure not to use any gel on my hair when driving up there.

      Happy New Year….hope you don’t unfollow after that one.

  8. Red Hen says:

    Haha! You`re all ready to rock in 2014 then! Happy New Year!

    Love the header pic, btw. That snow sure is deep!

    • Al says:

      That was a few years ago in the Blue Ridge mountains. She didn’t let it slow her down one bit.

      Happy New Year to you and happy jogging in 2014!

      P.S. That sunset picture was incredible.

  9. You could end up never posting again. As mom said, you can please some of the people some of the time…… I just got another dog, well maybe. He’s a rehome from the shelter. I get final approval on Monday. Harder than adopting a Russian kid. Dianne

  10. RaRee says:

    New Year’s is always a great time to make those ridiculous vows that will last until the aspirin kicks in. Number Nine is hilarious. Is it nurture or nature?

Your turn to write, but please don't be wittier than me. My ego is quite fragile.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s