Citing the successful 5 1/2 hour flight yesterday of a 16 year-old stowaway in the wheel-well of a Boeing 767, Hawaiian Airlines has instituted a new cut-rate fare which will have the other airlines scampering to keep up.
Dubbed “5th wheel seating”, the fare is expected to range around an affordable $17.57 (plus taxes). Some of the other perks include: no TSA lines if you scale the barbed-wire security fence near runway 3 (available at most airports), immediate boarding, and no luggage fee or scanning, so homemade bombs would be “no problema.”
If you’re wondering how the airline can possibly make money on such a low fare….read the fine print. Here are just some of the optional extra charges:
1. Oxygen tank and mask to combat permanent brain damage – $150.00
2. Thermal suit to combat the -80 degree Fahrenheit temps – $175.00
3. $5000.00 life dollar insurance policy which covers the 64% chance that you will actually fall out of the plane – $140.00.
It’s not all bad news for those passengers opting out of the extras. The American Medical Association has come up with an offer which would, in effect, waive the ticket price. If you agree to wear various medical devices and probes so they can do medical research and study your vitals during your “Hibernation Death”, they will cover the cost of the flight.
Plans are still in the works to see how the airline can get meals, drinks and in-flight movies down to those passengers who have opted for the extras.