My granddaughter is college bound…and other shocking developments.

Every once in a while, I wake up in the morning and my first thought is “where did my life go?”

Life passages are kind of neat in a way, but why do they have to come around so fast? It seems to me I just graduated from high school myself and now my granddaughter does? The 56 years in between seemed more like 56 minutes!

Katie, didn’t I just get in trouble for giving you an ice cream cone in your stroller at only 7 months old?

And what’s the deal with public sports tournaments nowadays? It was just yesterday I used to participate in the “open” class in any sports tournament that I entered. Now I have to put my name in the “70 and over” grouping. And I’m far from the youngest in that category. That’s just plain revolting.

Go ahead and serve punk, make my day!

Speaking of life passages, I can’t even remember the first time I went into a fast food place to order a cup of coffee and heard the attendant at the register shout to the server “one senior coffee”, without even asking me.

There you go, sir. That’s one senior coffee and one large prune juice, on the house.

And don’t even get me started on the AARP. When they start sending out their myriad mailers a year before you turn 50, that’s pushing it! A daily reminder that you’re aging. How thoughtful. And offering all these great “deals” that only us old people can get. Right. Anybody that is 50 seems like a mere pup to me.

AARP = Aggravating All Respectable People

You should see the contact list on my cell phone. Even though I am in relatively good health, there’s a special folder just for the numbers of my various doctors. It reads more like the graduating class at Johns Hopkins Medical School. Let’s see, there’s the neurologist, the cardiologist, the proctologist, the dentist, the GP, the orthopedic, the dermatologist, the podiatrist, the otolaryngologist, the ophthalmologist and the pain management doctor. I’ve actually considered renting a room in the medical office building and converting it into an apartment to cut down on travel costs. My wife could come visit on weekends.

However, through it all I have had wonderful times and memories, a loving wife who is still far and away my best friend, a wonderful son and daughter, two great granddaughters and no complaints. Well, to be honest, I’ve had several complaints, but very few of them were legitimate.

So, for all of you young whippersnappers out there who are grousing about those big chunks of taxes they take out of your pay for Social Security and Medicare, take heart, you’ll be reaping the benefits well before you know it. And please take solace in the fact that, in the meantime, I am being a good steward of your hard-earned money. (Now where did I put that brochure on Tahiti again?)

Optional: If you have tissues, watch this video. Otherwise, don’t.