Thoughts that keep me awake at night

If you resolve never to be resolute, haven’t you just been resolute?

If you decide that you’re indecisive, which one are you?

What do you say when someone says you’re in denial, but you’re not?

If masochists like to torture themselves, wouldn’t the best way be to not torture themselves?

If there’s an exception to every rule, doesn’t the exception to that rule mean there are no exceptions?

If you try to fail and succeed, what did you just do?

Is it possible to be a closet claustrophobic?

Who do you send someone to for treating an addiction to counseling?

Did Yankee Doodle name the feather, hat, town, or his pony Macaroni?

What exactly is a hacky, and why does it have to be in a sack?

If a package says “open here” does that mean you can’t go somewhere else to open it?

Why did Sally sell seashells at the seashore when anyone could just pick up their own?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Who was in the kitchen with Dinah?

Is it possible to imagine what life would be like if there was no such thing as hypothetical questions?

Isn’t reading a self-help book defeating the purpose?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Are atheists immune from “acts of God”?

Why isn’t the word “lisp” spelled lithp?

What’s another word for “synonym”?

What if the “Hokey-Pokey” is what it’s all about?

If you suffer from kleptomania, is it alright to take something for it?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that a hostage situation?

Did anyone ever pay the full price for a mattress?

Why does a dog hate it when you blow in his face, but will stick his head out the car window at 60 miles per hour?

If a doctor tells you that you have insomnia, is that something you should lose sleep over?

How much deeper would the ocean be if there were no sponges?

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Why isn’t “phonetic” spelled the way it sounds?

Do penguins have knees?

If Mayans could predict the future, why didn’t they predict their extinction?

What year did Jesus think it was?

Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?

If all that glitters is not gold, is gold not gold since it glitters?

If you constantly pamper a cow, will its milk be spoiled?

How do you know when you’ve run out of invisible ink?

If a turtle loses it’s shell, is it homeless or just naked?

Why is it called a driveway when all you do is park in it?

Why is it called a parkway when all you do is drive on it?

What is the speed of dark?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

Does the saying “If at first you don’t succeed” apply to skydiving?

Why is it called a “sun room” when you build it to stay out of the sun? Shouldn’t it be called a “shade room”?

If you pour root beer into a square glass, does it become just beer?

Why isn’t the Air and Space Museum empty?

If a snail loses its shell, does it become more sluggish?

19 thoughts on “Thoughts that keep me awake at night

  1. angelanoelauthor

    Why can’t a turtle be both naked AND homeless? Now, I’m worried about the turtle. . .

    I LOVED this, Susie’s #Blessed project sent me here and I’m glad I came! You seem like an interesting fellow.

    1. I can’t believe it! I’ve tossed and turned all these many nights (usually between 2 to 4 am) pondering this and you have solved it in one quick reading. You truly are an angel! As for my being interesting, you would get a strong argument against that by most people who know me, but I make them laugh, so there’s that. Welcome to my blog, your nightmare has only just begun!

    1. Glad you like them, ducks. As a reward for making a comment, you get to answer this question: “If you constantly pamper a cow, will the milk be spoiled?”

  2. Cindy B

    Boy am I slow. I just started studying your page. I do read every blog though. All that glitters is not gold. Gold glitters. Therefore gold is not gold. I am mixed up now and will probably stay awake tonight. Your questions are better.

  3. kathy

    Oh my, Al, these are some really tough questions. PLEASE let me know if you find any answers as now I, too, will be staying awake nights pondering…. 😉

Your turn to write, but please don't be wittier than me. My ego is quite fragile.

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