Thoughts that keep me awake at night

If you resolve never to be resolute, haven’t you just been resolute?

If you decide that you’re indecisive, which one are you?

What do you say when someone says you’re in denial, but you’re not?

If masochists like to torture themselves, wouldn’t the best way be to not torture themselves?

If there’s an exception to every rule, doesn’t the exception to that rule mean there are no exceptions?

If you try to fail and succeed, what did you just do?

Is it possible to be a closet claustrophobic?

Who do you send someone to for treating an addiction to counseling?

Did Yankee Doodle name the feather, hat, town, or his pony Macaroni?

What exactly is a hacky, and why does it have to be in a sack?

If a package says “open here” does that mean you can’t go somewhere else to open it?

Why did Sally sell seashells at the seashore when anyone could just pick up their own?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Who was in the kitchen with Dinah?

Is it possible to imagine what life would be like if there was no such thing as hypothetical questions?

Isn’t reading a self-help book defeating the purpose?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Are atheists immune from “acts of God”?

Why isn’t the word “lisp” spelled lithp?

What’s another word for “synonym”?

What if the “Hokey-Pokey” is what it’s all about?

If you suffer from kleptomania, is it alright to take something for it?

If a person with multiple personality syndrome threatens suicide, is that a hostage situation?

Did anyone ever pay the full price for a mattress?

Why does a dog hate it when you blow in his face, but will stick his head out the car window at 60 miles per hour?

If a doctor tells you that you have insomnia, is that something you should lose sleep over?

How much deeper would the ocean be if there were no sponges?

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

Why is “abbreviations” the longest word in this entire list? Shouldn’t it be the shortest?

Why isn’t “phonetic” spelled the way it sounds?

Do penguins have knees?

If Mayans could predict the future, why didn’t they predict their extinction?

What year did Jesus think it was?

Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?

If all that glitters is not gold, is gold not gold since it glitters?

If you constantly pamper a cow, will its milk be spoiled?

How do you know when you’ve run out of invisible ink?

If a turtle loses it’s shell, is it naked or homeless?

Why is it called a driveway when all you do is park in it?

Why is it called a parkway when all you do is drive on it?

What is the speed of dark?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice in a row?

Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

Does the saying “If at first you don’t succeed” apply to skydiving?

Why is it called a “sun room” when you build it to stay out of the sun? Shouldn’t it be called a “shade room”?

If you pour root beer into a square glass, does it become just beer?

Why isn’t the Air and Space Museum empty?

If a snail loses its shell, does it become more sluggish?

Do twins ever think about which one of them was not planned?

Which letter is silent in the word “scent.” The “s” or the “c”?

What if my dog only brings back the ball because he thinks I like throwing it?

Why is the letter W in English called double “U”? Shouldn’t it be called double “V”?

Do animals need glasses, but nobody knows it?

Isn’t intentionally losing a game of “rock, paper, scissors” just as hard as trying to win it?

Why is it that the first piece of luggage on the baggage claim carousel never belongs to anyone?


21 Responses to Thoughts that keep me awake at night

  1. ruthsoaper says:

    This is so funny. I’ll definitely be reading more of your posts. I may also have to buy some square glasses. LOL.

    • Al says:

      Glad you enjoyed them, Ruth. When you’re awake some night pondering these important questions, give me a shout. Perhaps together we can solve these befuddlements.

      Thanks for the visit and comment.

  2. Miriam says:

    Loved this. Thanks for the smiles this morning. 🙂

  3. angelanoelauthor says:

    Why can’t a turtle be both naked AND homeless? Now, I’m worried about the turtle. . .

    I LOVED this, Susie’s #Blessed project sent me here and I’m glad I came! You seem like an interesting fellow.

    • Al says:

      I can’t believe it! I’ve tossed and turned all these many nights (usually between 2 to 4 am) pondering this and you have solved it in one quick reading. You truly are an angel! As for my being interesting, you would get a strong argument against that by most people who know me, but I make them laugh, so there’s that. Welcome to my blog, your nightmare has only just begun!

  4. Anonymous says:

    Now I can’t remember how I ended up here, but definitely got a few laughs from this…

  5. Barbara says:

    Definitely the pony :). (No idea why, I just know!!)

  6. This gained a very high score on the “chuckleometer”, I ,love this kind of thing as you know. Now all work will stop until I find out which was the best thing before sliced bread

    • Al says:

      Glad you like them, ducks. As a reward for making a comment, you get to answer this question: “If you constantly pamper a cow, will the milk be spoiled?”

  7. Cindy B says:

    Boy am I slow. I just started studying your page. I do read every blog though. All that glitters is not gold. Gold glitters. Therefore gold is not gold. I am mixed up now and will probably stay awake tonight. Your questions are better.

  8. That is a great list! Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  9. InnerDialect says:

    LOVED this…. 🙂

  10. Big Al says:

    Good. Now we’ll have Facebook to ourselves at 3 in the morning.

  11. kathy says:

    Oh my, Al, these are some really tough questions. PLEASE let me know if you find any answers as now I, too, will be staying awake nights pondering…. 😉

Your turn to write, but please don't be wittier than me. My ego is quite fragile.

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